A Short Note on the Impossibility of Commitment

Does my position that commitment isn't possible scare you? If you're threatened by it, it's because you know you can never be happy. When matrimonial unions work, it's because each person didn't hold back and found in the other someone whose smile was opening into a berth of truth rather than widening into a parody of conventions. And yes, I'm aware that people stay bound for other reasons (kids, money, etc.); what matters is how much you value yourself.

I've already made it clear: marriage isn't something I want. It probably wouldn't make sense to you either for me to say I'm a cynical optimist. This is how it stands when it comes to marriage and the impossibility of commitment:

1.) Commitment requires complete abandonment*, of both the individual person (your selfish wants) and of others outside of the nuclear relationship (the person you're married to is always first (except when you're being threatened in any form), then your kids (except when they're being threatened in any form), and, finally, when there's no conflict, your friends, family, etc.).

2.) Commitment requires accepting the rules of bondage, which marriage is; it's a contract that two people will stay together no matter what happens (and this includes sexual frustrations).

3.) Commitment requires absolute trust, and this means having absolutely no doubts that the person you're marrying belongs to you (and, yes, this is where we start talking about the concept of soulmates).

In response:

A) I don't believe anyone other than you should be first. Yes, you can still be there for other people; but if it's a choice about following what you're ambitious to do when you're being asked to choose between that and someone else, go!

B) I can't even imagine what it is to be dating someone, much less a lifetime of boring; I mean, I need a guy who's willing to share his interests with me (as I would with him), and to seek new directions of knowledge so that we don't run out of things to say (I can't see myself ever wanting to stop learning), etc.

C) I fell in love once, and so I know what love is; it's simply a biological function when a woman's in the prime of her life to have babies (and that's passed, therefore I'm free from ever being so compromised).

* I will note that the law is always first even when it means the end of your relationship to turn your husband(whatever)/child/family/etc. in. Of course, when it's an issue of justice, justice always prevails over the law, especially when the law acts to allow direct harm.