Women and the Image of Domesticity

A while ago, it occurred to me why single women need useless things. So it happens I had a roommate in Michigan who housed furniture but seldom used what she bought. The week before she moved out of our apartment, her lover installed a dining room set for her. Because I lived with her, I knew her latest acquisition was for show. After all, she rarely ate in the apartment.

That's when I understood what was involved in her choices: the image of domesticity. I don't mean to single her out, because I think it's true of most women on the market for marriage. We've grown up with images of weddings and expectations of family living, and, more importantly, we've talked about these issues in terms of patriarchy, the power derived from our fertility, and so forth.

It's like this: imagine you're dating a potential prospect. What's going to make you stand out from the competition? If we believe the statistics available to us, we as a gender outnumber the men. Therefore, every woman who needs a husband to feel accepted in a society that still privileges couples (even in the corporate world, a promotion may implicitly require a ring) needs to show her lovers she's wiferly.

Don't we use terms like motherly and fatherly? So why not wiferly? What I'm suggesting by that term is that in defining our relationships with our significant others - for those wishing ceremonial betrothals - we seek to promote ourselves as the most ideal mates. Though many men today contribute more toward the household (housecleaning, babysitting, etc.) - even though, historically, we may be surprised that men have always done so - we women continue to be associated with the private sphere before anything else.

Thus, if we're creating masks to give the illusion of ourselves as wives, when do we get to be who we are? It remains my belief that only those who see us visibly and without pretension are right for us. Let's face it: If we're working this hard just to secure a symbol, what's the point when our façades crack and we're confronted with someone who suddenly realizes we're not who we pretended to be? Those behaviors are why I think adultery will always be a part of the human landscape.

Until we risk breaking our own mirrors, we'll continue in delusional states that deny us what's already ours: our selves. Why else do we cover up our blemishes with make-up, concealments, and other accessories if not so our compris(ed)ing partners associate us with health? A healthy woman, after all, is supposed to conceive strong children. If she also shows an interest in her abode, she will look after her family. Of course, there are many other stereotypes.

Therefore, unless you can recognize your actions, you have no choice but to question everything you do. If, however, we allow the image of domesticity to conceal us from our motives, we only have ourselves to blame if/when we realize we're unhappy in a union predicated on sales(wo)manship. Then again, should you follow my advice, you may end up like me: relationship(-)less for a lifetime - but free. As for me, I'm all about being an individual first.