How Croatian women bully: A specific example

I'm always talking about specific instances. It happens that I rarely interact, on a regular basis, with other Croatians outside of a rental agreement.

I only decided to do this dance class because my house mother kept insisting that I "go outside" and walk. It's not something I have an interest in, especially when, since late Aug., I've gotten back into the habit of serious writing.

Anyway, it's happened during three different times over a six week period, often toward the end of this dance class I'm in, that several women have tried to bully my space from me. The first one was a girl in her twenties. The other two were older, one of them maybe the girl's mother.

Yet they behaved rather similarly. In the first and last case, though, the way it worked was: They chose, first, to crowd my space in. Suddenly, they were almost on me, or close enough that I was uncomfortable about making physical contact with them when we had to stretch our arms out.

In the first case, however, I could see her crowding in actions in the mirror, as she was behind me. In response to that, I deliberately slowed my steps down to control what space I did have, because I worried that she'd take my space and not let go of it.

In the last case, when I realized what was happening, I just decided: To hell with it. If my hands touched hers, too bad - because I had that space for most of the class to begin with!

In both cases, however, the next thing they did was wait until the next very short break (seconds that don't even come close to one minute) to ask me if I would "move to the left." Why when they could, and the space was there for them to do so?

As I told them (in English and Croatian), I need to see the instructor. This should be obvious. I don't speak, much less understand, Croatian well enough to do the steps by ear alone.

Sure, some of the steps have become more automatic that I can follow him just by seeing what he's doing through the mirror. When he starts moving his feet, however, I'm often looking at his feet to guess at the next step. Sometimes I can anticipate him, because some words (like napred) he's said over and over that I can recognize them, other things I'm still trying to remember.

Oh, right, but I forgot about the second case! Well, she not only went so far as to crowd me, but also to touch me which I hate even worse. She, however, didn't take it any further, not even trying in Croatian - as the last case did - to ask me to move, maybe because she didn't think I knew Croatian and she didn't know English.

I've noted something interesting, however. All three cases share this one thing in common: They all took their actions during one specific routine. However, the girl in the first case, starting the next day we met, took a different position which she's kept.

The last case is a woman I didn't notice before, as other women have been moving around at different times, much of them edging around the right side of me. I had one who was at level with the instructor, but enough to the right that I had a clear view of him. One came to stand behind him, a place I wouldn't want to be at since he sometimes moves backward so that we're side to side.

But what pissed me off in the last case was that the girl in the first case didn't show up that day. So there was a huge space on the left side of the room. There was also the other fat girl on that side (I'm at least twice or three times her size) which is why I think now it's about me being fat (it explains the big space, and the fact that more women were on the right side of the room than the left).

So I wonder why these women, who are small, need to try and bully the new fat girl in the class. Because this is bullying, though not invasively so. It makes me think of what I read about a book that's supposed to be about bullying behaviors between women, starting as children - and she's right, if the reviewer understood her correctly, that they tend to be a lot more subtle about it.

In this situation, though, I have no idea what to do. Because if it happens again, I am going to tell the next woman off (because they're interrupting my focus in the class with this childish behaviors) - and it's going to be loud, because I'm really annoyed, part of the reason (other than being sick, at least yesterday I was completely overwhelmed with fatigue) I decided to take off for a week. I'm somewhat certain that if I erupt verbally, I'll be asked to leave the class; after all, I'm the newcomer, they're regulars. Some points, though:

First, I, too, paid money to attend the class. Secondly, I always arrive early (a normal pattern for me - usually - regardless of what I'm doing) so I can claim my spot, a position I haven't wavered from the whole time I've been participating (it should, thus, be clear to everyone that it's where I want to be). Thirdly, it's rude to ask someone to move when you can move yourself and there's room to move (yes, I'm repeating this). Finally, it's not my problem if you can't stand being around fat people.

As I said, this is not my normal thing. So I have no idea if this kind of interaction is normal or specific to the idiots involved. And I am seeing this as an American, not a Croatian - thus, a Croatian in the same situation may hold an entirely different view of what's going on.

More, I don't know if bullying is a concept in Croatia (it's only recently that I heard the word diabetes mentioned on the news), or, if it is, how Croatians understand it. But, as an American, the behavior these women have been exhibiting is ridiculous - which is why I'm still deciding if I should continue this group class or just stick to private lessons.

I mean, for me, as a foreigner in another country, this kind of behavior is a red flag. Because there are few things that could realistically explain it: my being fat, my being American, or their just being stupid. If it's about me being an American, I have even more reason to be concerned; but, also, I am the kind of American who has and will shout when pushed too far.

So far, it's been three instances, and, yeah, I'm at the breaking point in terms of my silence. However, I think, if the shouting's going to happen, I want it to be in Croatian. In fact, this is what I've been wanting to say these last few days: Enough! Stop asking me to move when you can move and there's space to move! This is my class, too!

(It's not like it would be the first time I get kicked out of a class or program for refusing to be the better person, whatever that means but in actuality is the action of being compliant to the dictates of other people even when they're wrong. You know the expression as well as I do: "Don't mess with Texas." We take shit only so far before we throw it back - and we throw hard; ask Ozan Sula and anyone else who's ever wronged me. Hell yes I'm a bitch!)