If sex isn't an act of desperation, insecurity and/or dissatisfaction on your part, the word slut should have no power: Some thoughts

Yesterday, in a context that had nothing to do with me, two girls behind me were talking. One of them said something like, "If she calls me a slut, I will have to murder her" (yes, she said murder). Then the conversation continued in another language.

So, what were these girls talking about: A movie? Well, it doesn't matter; the word slut is what made me eavesdrop in the first place, especially because of a specific context that has involved me.

As a participant on various USA Today discussion forums, I've thrown around the word slut and had it become a focal point for other, mostly female, respondents. Here's how I've defined slut: Any man or woman who has sex outside of marriage with more than one partner (not necessarily at the same time).

Here's the simple concept: Slut isn't a new word. It's been around for centuries, and, in fact, has different connotations depending on where you are. In the USA, for example, we mean something along the lines of the definition I provided. In Turkey, however, my landlord said it denoted inappropriate or bad. Bottom line, though: Slut has no positive connotations attached to it, and it's almost always targeted at women.

Knowing this, thus, why the anger over the word slut? After all, this is the real world; people have negative and positive responses to anything from food, entertainment, work, on and on.

But being called a name doesn't make you that name, because words only have power - for good or bad - if you give them power. It's from this perspective that I think the word slut is saying something else.

Much like I told a Facebook friend (as a general comment), if sex isn't an act of desperation, insecurity and/or dissatisfaction on your part, the word slut should have no power. Because there are people who will say something like: Call me whatever you like, it's my body and I can do with it what I want. In other words: You don't define me.

It was the idiot female yesterday, however, who made me realize that desperation, insecurity and/or dissatisfaction must be a huge part of the anger. I mean, why would you want to kill someone over a word? Here are my thoughts:

- If sex is an act of desperation, you already feel bad about yourself;
- You feel bad about yourself because sex is empty;
- Sex is empty because you have no real connection with the person you're having sex with;
- You have no real connection because you've made your relationship hinge on sex;
- Your relationship hinges on sex because you're needy;
- You're needy because someone important said (explicitly or implicitly) you were a nothing;
- You un/knowingly believe you're a nothing because you've never learned to stand alone.

Let's be clear: I'm not presenting a morality argument, this isn't about religion, etc. However, while the various forms of sex (oral and otherwise) can be pleasurable, they also invite risks of STDs (no orientation is immune) - herpes, though, is one that can be undetectable on STD tests for years, if at all - pregnancy when the relationship involves a man and a woman (no birth control except abstinence is 100% effective), and emotional complications (intimacy is a kind of drug). More, these risks increase the more partners you have; in terms of your emotional health, this can lead to the inability to deeply connect with someone outside of sex. My personal view is: Don't have sex unless you're prepared emotionally, mentally and financially to have a baby - because abortion is murder, and no baby should die because of a woman's selfishness.

Anyway, back to my point: I think people for whom sex is an act of desperation, insecurity and/or dissatisfaction, the word slut reinforces what they already feel about themselves. As a result, they lash out, focusing on the word itself when they're really talking about themselves. That is, they're offended at the word slut because that's how they see themselves: As a slut. And, since I think that most people settle for their marriage partners, this psychological suggestion of the word slut applies also to married people.

I mean, how hard is it to deny being a slut? Because the people who don't identify as sluts don't make a big deal about the word slut; for them, slut is just a word. For those who want to go so far as to kill someone over the word, they're obviously expressing desperation, insecurity and/or dissatisfaction.

Oh, I'm sure there must be a literature on the psychological rootedness of words. But if you're going to give me power with a word like slut, well, all I can do is laugh.